Don't worry this is easily solvable. Just follow the instructions and the update will install.
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Just take your time and follow the instructions step by step. Copy paste is recommended to avoid typos.
Oh sure... it's easily solvable on a singe computer. When you have ~6,000 domain-joined workstations that are exhibiting the same problem, it becomes a little less easily solvable.
I understand your frustration with Microsoft. How about leveraging the weight those 6000 licenses brings with Microsoft instead of at individuals who are just trying to help each other.
Share mitigation tips with other corporate users with many licenses.
FWIW I vote for a working automated fix from MS too.
I have personally seen MS take a lot of flak for sitting on security fixes for much too long. That's no excuse for shipping this poorly tested update though.