how do i COMPLETELY stop my computer from updating!?!?

Regular updates are particularly rough on two types of user:

1- people who continue to use hardware that is no longer supported by the manufacturer; and

2- people who, for whatever reason, aren't proficient at using a computer.

Your impression does not quite agree with my experience. I have seen several fairly recent machines, used for nothing other than MS Office applications, that got badly damaged by automatic updates. Some became unbootable, some kept locking up. Recovery is often impossible for these reasons:

• Automatic Updates routinely deactivate System Restore. Why does MS give us this useful tool, then keeps deactivating it?
• If System Restore points are available, they often do not work. I had two of them this morning.
• Image Restore often fails to work too which is probably why it is now a deprecated tool. Apple Mac users stare in wonder, thinking of their Time Machine.
• Undoing an update, if at all availabe, often fails too, going by forum reports.

In view of this poor track record I have now installed Macrium Reflect on all client machines. It updates its system file image once every month. I should not have to do this.

To the OP: To disable automatic updates, deactivate these two services, then reboot the machine. Note that you will no longer get any virus pattern file updates.

• Windows Update
• Windows Module Installer

This has been explained here hundreds of times but I don't mind explaining it again.

Windows 10 is unlike previous versions of Windows. In previous versions, you received a baseline version of Windows that was updated over time to fix bugs and improve security.

There is no baseline version of Windows 10. Instead, Windows 10 is a continually evolving operating system that consists of regular updates that will continue indefinitely. The updates are Windows 10, so Microsoft tries to ensure that every Windows 10 computer gets updated. That's why it's practically impossible to stop receiving updates without seriously breaking Windows.

Microsoft explained this while Windows 10 was being developed and it was widely discussed in the media.

Regular updates are particularly rough on two types of user:

1- people who continue to use hardware that is no longer supported by the manufacturer; and

2- people who, for whatever reason, aren't proficient at using a computer.

Microsoft didn't invent the idea of regular updates. Other companies, like Google, had the idea first and with Windows 10 Microsoft has finally come on board.

Windows 10 is the most secure version of Windows. Hackers make a living from people who use outdated software. For people in your situation, here's the best advice:

1- If the manufacturers of your hardware support the hardware on Windows 10, stay with Windows 10. Even if you're like me, who has no interest in virtually every new 'innovation' in Windows 10 and never uses them,  it's worthwhile to stick with Windows 10 for the improved security alone.

2- Do a clean install. Upgrading a computer drags along all the mistakes, problems and inefficiencies of the past, while a clean install gives you a fresh start.

3- Invest the time to learn how to use a computer correctly and wisely. Knowledge is the number one defense against problems. I had to start at the Dick and Jane level - you're probably more advanced - but I'm glad I did because it has paid off nicely.

trust me, attempting to disable windows update in services does nothing anymore. their windows update medic service explicitly says its there to enable remediation and protection of windows update components. basically saying, you can turn it off, but we (microsoft) can turn it back on whenever we feel like.

No worries, I reported you for your crap. MS never forces any apps to be installed. They never know what apps we need.

Never forces apps?

Here are a few:

• Camera, my computer doesn't have a camera
• Connect, "This device doesn't support Miracast, so you can't project to it wirelessly", I have no idea what the heck Miracast is but I can assure you I wouldn't have installed this app
• Cortana, Spyware
• Groove Music
• Maps
• Messaging
• Mixed Reality Portal
• Mixed Reality Viewer
• OneDrive
• Paint 3D
• People
• Sticky Notes
• Voice Recorder
• Xbox (this one is just plain STUPID!)

All of these apps are on my computer against my wishes and cannot be removed.