Okay, I figured it out. Completely without Microsoft's help.
I want to explain that the setting doesn't turn off "News and Interests" permanently, and it re-appears moments later. This is the issue that everyone is having, and the issue that was so incompetently ignored/pushed away by Microsoft employees.
It's easily fixable, to where you can ensure that you're PC will never show "News and Interests" EVER AGAIN. Meaning it wont pop-up after you use the setting meant to make it go away.
For future reference, Microsoft, remember to add proper functionality for settings like this.
===HOW TO FIX===
- Follow this guide for a step-by-step technical walk-through for using either Group Policy Editor or Registry Editor to permanently disable "News and Interests" on your PC.
- If you're using a windows home device, you'll want to use the Registry Editor method.
- If you want to use the Group Policy Editor method, you can follow this video to enable Group Policy Editor on your PC if it doesn't work already.
Now if you don't mind, I'm going to draw uninterrupted, Microsoft.
Good day.