I'm still here...still not able to complete the update (now on attempt 27, maybe more). I successfully ported my physical system over to a virtual machine, removed all non-Microsoft tools and drivers that are no longer relevant in its virtual state and still, same failures in that environment. This confirms it's not hardware! My physical system still runs/operates without problems as does the identical virtual system. The only good news is the failure results are much quicker now in the virtual world. Still the same ole boring Update Failed (nothing but a dialog box indicating such), but now it only takes 45 minutes. I've reviewed the setuperr.log (among the many, many others), cleaning it out prior to every attempt, and still get nothing out of the process that provides even a hint of where the problem is or what caused the "failure".
Such a shame this product, as much as it sucks, isn't a vacuum (new business opportunity for Microsoft?).
On to attempt 28!