So, ignoring the "reset windows" suggestion because...yeah, not doing that...I tried an in-place upgrade and upon initial boot the behavior was gone. However, upon reboot it returned. I gave up for yesterday and went to sleep.
I woke up this morning and decided to try turning off Core Isolation/Virtualization Based Security. That fixed it; Microsoft Defender Antivirus Network Inspection Service now starts and runs without complaint. Apparently Microsoft messed up an update to Defender or something else and caused this to start happening; it's not like this is the first time they have deployed a broken Defender update.
Do you have Core Isolation/VBS enabled, khynnea?
Edit: Verified repeatable resolution on a second machine; my Windows 10 Home 2004 laptop.
Thank you so much for this insight and troubleshooting.
I do indeed have core isolation/VBS enabled. And I literally never would have thought to try this because this is one thing I would never turn off on my machine.
And it honestly boggles my mind that there would be such a fatal flaw between the realtime antivirus inspection service and a core security feature... meh. With this bug, the service isn't running but there is no indication that it is not running from the main Windows Security UI, no indication that there is a problem in the registry. And multiple 3rd party antivirus scans turned up no issue. So either something -really- seriously wrong is present or it just happened to coincide with the 2004 upgrade.
To be fair, the recent Defender update that was pushed a few days prior could have been the culprit and not the 2004 build. I'm absolutely hate troubleshooting windows anything.
Someone with access to 1903, 1909, 2004 builds would have to point to where the problem is, and whether it is part of 2004 or Defender.
Thank you so much for the peace of mind your troubleshooting discovery brings.