I tried many many things.
Solution that finally worked for me (don't skip any steps):
- Open device manager and Uninstall High Definition Audio Controller.
- Shut down (not restart).
- Unplug the power cable.
- Press and hold down the power button for 60 seconds.
- Plugin and turn on the laptop.
You are a god send IDK how tf that was supposed to work but hey, whatever. June 10th a year later you helped me fix this garbage issue that has been plaguing me for days.
Thanks for being awesome my friend.