Vista: The update does not apply to your system

Hello again.

1. Probably some time in August.
2. The first reply from Great White North here. It's a huge discussion about automatic updates taking hours (even days) to run in Vista and Windows 7. That's the problem I'm experiencing. The solution suggested by Great White North seems to be successful for most people, but I'm having the problem of the first update I try to install manually (kb3185911) returns "The update does not apply to your system". I've tried some of the subsequent updates too, and get the same error.
3. They're still switched off.
4. By an automatic update. Up until around May or June, automatic updates were working. From around June onwards, they started taking so long I was having to cancel them. For example, I left one running for about 4 hours, and it was still sitting at 0%. I started looking around the internet for possible solutions, and discovered most Vista and W7 users were experiencing the same problem. Then I found the discussion about it, and have been trying to follow the instructions ever since.

As regards getting a new PC, I know. Extended support ends soon, and I know I need a new PC. I'd like to keep this running for a few months before getting a new one, so want to get it patched up as much as possible. The fact I've not been able to update Windows for 7 months now is a bit concerning.

Thanks.

The plot thickens!

...I haven't done a manual check for updates before. I used to have automatic updates switched on, and then switched it off (following the instructions in the previous discussion) when the update problems started in around May or June of last year.

Who knew?

1. When (approx. date) did you disable (turn off) automatic updates?
2. What instructions in which previous discussion?
3. When (approx. date) did you re-enable (turn on) automatic updates?

The last successful update I had was on the 8th May, 2016. This was made up entirely of Office updates. My last successful Windows security update was on 10th March, 2016.

4. Were the Office updates in May 2016 offered & installed via "automatic updates" or...?

COMMENT: Extended Support (and updates) for Vista SP2 ends on 11 April 2017 so you'll be needing to replace your computer very soon. As such, I'm not sure it's worth your (or my) time to get the computer fully-patched & automatic updating working again.
 Your call.

Hello again,

1. From the second link. I've also tried the 64 bit version, just to see what happened and got exactly the same error. The only difference was that it got there a lot quicker.
2. It's the first time I've encountered that error. Having said that, I haven't done a manual check for updates before. I used to have automatic updates switched on, and then switched it off (following the instructions in the previous discussion) when the update problems started in around May or June of last year. After that, I just focused on trying to install the first missing update listed on there, which, in my case, is kb3185911.
3. The last successful update I had was on the 8th May, 2016. This was made up entirely of Office updates. My last successful Windows security update was on 10th March, 2016.

I'd forgotten all about Bullguard until we started talking about virus checkers. I installed Norton very early on, and probably should have deinstalled Bullguard at the time. I think it just got lost as I was transferring stuff over from the PC this one was replacing.

I got McAfee when I was downloading an update to Flash, I think. They had a "Do you want to download McAfee too" option, which was ticked by default. I usually unticked it, but on one occasion forgot. I only found out I'd got it when it suddenly started doing a scan!

Thanks

Let's back up a bit here.

Per this previous discussion, I get the error "The update does not apply to your system" when I tried to install KB3185911

1. Did you download the installer for the update via this page or this page?
2. How long have you been getting 8000FFFF errors when running a manual check for updates?
3. Does Installed Updates (not Update History) listed ANY updates as being installedt after 11 March 2016?

[Ideally, you would have uninstalled the Bullguard free-trial ten (10) years ago!]

Hello again.

1. Not quite. The sequence of events was:

  (i)   Deinstalled McAfee using McAfee deinstallation tool.

  (ii)  Deinstalled Norton using Norton deinstallation tool.

  (iii) Rebooted.

  (iv) Reinstalled Norton (I haven't reinstalled McAfee).

  (v)  Deinstalled Bullguard using Windows deinstall (the Bullguard website says this is how to do it).

2a. A manual check for updates returns error 8000FFFF.

To make sure we're talking about the same thing, I did Control Panel | Windows Update | Check For Updates.

Also perhaps relevant is that I have the automatic search for updates switched off at the moment, as specified in the steps I've been following in the second reply here.

I had a look around for some advice on error 8000FFFF, and found this. From there, I followed the first link under "General Windows Update Troubleshooting Suggestions" section of the first reply, which took me here. I followed the instructions to stop a number of services, but the third one (appidsvc) failed with error 1060 (the service doesn't exist).

I haven't gone any further than this (other than to restart the services that I had successfully stopped when following the instructions I linked to) in case this is somehow relevant.

Thanks