Great, just as soon as I post the above, the problem comes back again. SCREW MICROSOFT AND THEIR EVIL SPAWN - WINDOWS 8.
This old article may probably shed some light on what's going on:
Wireless Zero Configuration seems to have been replace by WLAN AutoConfig so the solution above no longer works (Turning off WLAN AutoConfig kills your Wifi), but it's a fair bet that the lousy alogrithms WZC uses live on in WLAN AutoConfig.
Steve Jobs would have put the people responsible for this PoS service before a firing squad, and he most certainly would not have let this piece of sh1t code persist over 4 OS generations (XP, Vista, 7, 8/8.1).