I am having exactly the same experience as the original poster. The problem with Java not showing up under the advanced tab of internet options is that the Java site instructs us to go to this to fix a problem. While other solutions are proposed here,
they are simply other solutions proposed by java; presumably (and according to Java) all of the listed issues have to be in order for Java to work. I have not been able to find a way to address the problem I am having, and was thrilled to see this thread,
until I read it and felt as if it were me. According to Java we NEED it to show up under internet options in order to use the solution they propose. Ack.
To the original poster: If I find a solution I will come back and let you know. Please make a post if you figure it out. At the very least maybe someone else who understands the problem and has solved it will stumble across this thread.
Good luck!