Would you believe it - yet another update in just a day:
Frustrated as I was, went back to store on Friday evening. Explained previous day's "repairs" were of no consequence. Had not installed Preview or anything beyond Office and logging in with Microsoft account. Left Surface in black screen state, clearly
showing device is on and keyboard lit.
After a mere 45 minutes or so, walked out with a brand new Surface Pro 4. Super-helpful store clerk assured me device is from very recent batch - from this year.
It's Saturday afternoon now and it's as if all of it was a bad dream: not a single problem, flawless waking from sleep, no hibernate settings anywhere.
But, battery life still stinks.
I will now install all current Preview updates and see what happens. It seems that the early batch hardware reason may well be an accurate diagnosis.
We shall see.
Aaaand back already from store - got notification much earlier than expected. Thought it was too soon to be of any use.
Aaaand I was right.
All they did was remove Preview, revert everything to regular Windows 10 that's publicly available, "run hardware diagnostics" which apparently confirmed this isn't a faulty unit, and then tested Sleep a few times.
I was exasperated with the conversation with the person who returned it to me - essentially he said they are aware of the problem, it is less, it "happens sometimes", and there is no known permanent solution ("what do you want me to tell you - they haven't
told us anything else").
So, a load of nothing.
Anyway, for now at least Sleep is working. I guess I will have to assume that the Preview builds were at fault - for my instance at least. And let's try this for a few days and see how many times it happens again.
Sigh. Sorry all - no good news to report.